Bheeshma goes overboard with other people’s marriages. Satyavati follows suit.
Shantanu and Satyavati finally got married and had two sons – all looked to be on track to get them to be kings. They were called Chitraveerya and Vichitraveerya.
Wait, what? You use the word vichitra when something is weird. This guy was actually called Weird-veerya?
Vichitra does mean unusual or weird. But I am not sure what Shantanu and Satyavati were thinking when they named him that. Or maybe there’s other meanings to that word I don’t know. But in this house, make no mistakes – if you are being weird, you will be called vichitra!
Soon enough, they both grew into fine young men and went around doing princely things like fighting wars. Chitraveerya however died in one such battle. Professional hazards of being a prince. That sort of made things easier succession wise. When the time came, Vichitraveerya became the king, with Bheeshma officiating and making sure everyone saw that he was sticking to his word about not trying to be king.
Bheeshma was also super keen on getting Vichitraveerya a good wife and making sure there were enough sons to go around should a couple get killed here and there. With an obsession befitting a man who had sworn to never marry, he went off to find young Vichitravirya a wife or two. Or three. Bheeshma had heard on the matrimonial channels that the king of Kashi had arranged a swayamvara for his three daughters. Now a swayamvara was an event where girls who were ready to marry went and picked out a husband for themselves from a bunch of applicants. Usually a king would declare that his daughter(s) were ready to pick a husband. All the princes, kings and other contenders arrived in a big hall, on the appointed day, wearing their glittery jewels and wide smiles, competing for likes. The girls would walk around, check out the men, and garland the one that caught their fancy.
The King of Kashi had three daughters – Amba, Ambika and Ambalika, so there was a room packed with princely types hoping to be picked by at least one of the girls. The right thing to do was for Vichitraveerya also to turn up and try his luck. But no, Vichitraveerya did not even go to Kashi. Bheeshma thought the king of Hastinapura wasn’t going to line up anywhere for a bride. He went to Kashi all by himself, barged into the hall and just declared he was going to take the three girls home for Vichitraveerya.
Woah. That’s vichitra indeed! It went from girls-finally-get-a-choice to straight up kidnap in 2 minutes
Yeah. pretty much. He made a speech about girls’ choice in swayamvara being good and all BUT that the most precious women were those that had been snatched from competitors. Even though Bheeshma was a well regarded character, this did not go down well at all and the hall full of kings were understandably furious. Bheeshma snatched the girls, put them in his chariot and shot off on the road to Hastinapura. The hall full of kings chased after. Much fighting happened, and Bhishma defeated every one of the competition. Losers, he muttered, overlooking for the moment that he could literally not die or be defeated, thanks to his dad’s boon. He took the girls back to Hastinapura. They were welcomed nicely enough and everyone thought they would be good queens.
What? Just like that, kidnapped girls for queens? Everyone was cool with that?
Not quite. Now, two of the girls, they went with the flow. But Amba, the oldest, put her foot down. Not fair, she said. I have no intention of marrying Vichitraveerya. I liked the king of Shalva. I would have happily picked him at the swayamvara and lived happily ever after. And now I am stuck here thanks to your silly theatrics. Let me go! Bheeshma thought a bit, and decided it’s best to not push things more. Ok fine, go then, he said, and sent her off to the king of Shalva.
I was not expecting that!
If you think this was a happy ending, sorry! When Amba went back to Shalva, the man did not want to have anything to do with Amba any more! Some versions say he felt he was too much of a loser, literally, and did not deserve Amba for a wife. Other versions give the usual spin of Shalva telling her, you’ve been with another man, so I can’t marry you.
Spineless loser. Aargh. Don’t know who’s worse Shalva or Bheeshma.
Remember in the terms and conditions there was this entire section – everyone is not who they seem. Or who you think they seem to be. Or who you imagined they might be living in 2022? This is certainly one of those situations. In any case, Amba was left royally high and dry by all parties. Though Bheeshma did not know it at the time, Amba and her story were going to come back to bite him in his sorry behind later in life. You can never predict the long term effects of your actions, especially if you are playing with the life and love of people.
With Amba out of the picture, Bheeshma and Satyavati decided it would be fine and dandy for Vichitraveerya to marry both Ambika and Ambalika. The wedding took place and everyone settled down to wait for the birth of more sons and king material. But no! That was not to be! Poor Vichitraveerya fell ill and died after all this drama! Bheeshma was back to square one with no heir to the throne of Hastinapura. The heir goal was so central to everybody’s lives, that more than worrying about Vichitraveerya dying, they were really worried about the no sons bit. Satyavati came up with a plan to fix the situation. Actually, it wasn’t her creative plan or anything. It was a common, everyday back up plan used by many. If a man died, his brother could take his place with his wives and generate kids.
Ew gross. What if the wife didn’t want it?
Perhaps by today’s perspective. Standard operating procedure in the day. Wives were also less hung up about it, perhaps. Or maybe not, we’ll see. Nobody had much objection to the idea in general. There was a glitch though. The only eligible brother on the horizon was Bheeshma. Satyavati asked him to marry Ambika and Ambalika so there could be kids. Look, I know you made your vow to not marry on my account. But now, I am asking you, for the greater good, this is the thing you need to do. You’d think that Bheeshma after so many years of no love life, would be tempted. But no, this would be totally off brand. It would dilute the moral superiority he could currently flaunt. Sorry, he said. Not happening. It was then that Satyavati came up with her really creative plan, which piggy backed on the common everyday back up plan. Hmm, wait, she said. The overall problem solving approach here is correct. We just need a suitable brother. And we have one.
Huh, who?
Exactly what Bheeshma said. Satyavati’s made-in-an-afternoon-man, Veda Vyasa. Remember him?
Ooh. Now I see the point of that twist in the tale. Seemed pointless at the time…
Never waste a plot twist… So Satyavati places a quick call to VV. And because he’d promised to come to her when called, he turns up. But the man’s been living a rough life off grid. He’s not suave, he’s not cool. If anything he’s got matted hair and a crazy glint in the eye from all the veda verse rearranging he’s been doing. He listens to what his mum wants from him. Ok, cool with me he says. I got this. He wants to get it over with and go back to his verse versioning.
So Ambika, being older, gets first dibs. She takes one look at VV, is appalled and closes her eyes. And keeps it closed the whole time VV is with her.
Oh dear, said VV to Satyavati afterwards… Sorry, but she closed her eyes – the kid that’s going to be born now is going to be blind!
That won’t do.Said Satyavati. Can’t have a blind king. We’ll need to do a retake here. How about you give it another shot with Ambalika. Alright, says VV. Now, Ambalika has been warned by her sister, so Ambalika grits her teeth bites her tongue but manages to keep her eyes open when VV is with her. But she can not avoid feeling weak and going pale with all that effort.
Oops. Sorry again, VV reports to Satyavati. This one turned pale, so the kid is also going to be pale and a bit sickly.
Oh dear, said Satyavati. Better than blind I suppose. But sickly is risky… could you just have one last go, pretty please? Is it too much to ask for one healthy heir? Ok, no problem says VV. Ambalika is having none of it. Am not going through that torture again, she says. She then asks, or bullies more likely, her maid to go into the room in her place. The maid takes Ambalika’s place and doesn’t find VV off putting at all. What a fuss, she thinks, such drama queens. This is as fine a man as any other.
And? Asks Satyavati afterwards. Well, this kid is going to be just fine. Just not going to be a prince, no? Given that the maid turned up instead of Ambalika? In any case, I’ll leave that mess to you to resolve. My verses are waiting for me, and I must leave. Bye bye! And he was off.
Laser sharp focus, this guy!
Couldn’t agree more.
In a bit Ambika gives birth to a fine son, who’s blind. They call him Dhritarashtra.
Ambalika gives birth to a non-blind, non-fine son. He’s called Pandu.
The maid, we never learn her name, gives birth to a fine, non-blind, not-quite-a-prince-son, who gets the name Vidura. Satayavati and Bheeshma, for all their planning and plotting, have on hand a shaky situation after all.
Lol. you keep saying something about the best laid plans of mice and men going off the rails… sounds like that.
Manasvini 
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