It’s not like we need help sabotaging ourselves or each other these days. We’re already pretty good. Want to quietly ruin a relationship? Exact revenge on Big Corp by sabotaging a thing or two at work? Governments quietly sabotaging citizens? Undermine and wear yourself down? It can always be done better! We could take our innate talent for sabotage and weaponize it. With some help from a useful little manual.
Bit of backstory about the (no longer) secret booklet, The simple sabotage field manual. During WW2, the CIA released a secret training manual for its field operatives to turn regular citizens into citizen-saboteurs. The idea was that through many, simple, everyday acts of sabotage by normal folk, it would be possible to make dents in the enemy’s materials and morale, and multiply their misery – all of which would eventually chip away at their war preparedness, and help the allies win. Solid logic, you have to admit.
Then in 2008, as its contribution to internet entertainment, the CIA declassified the manual. The internet was duly amused. It’s a short little monograph, 32 pages in all, brimming with advice on how to set things on fire, cause machinery failure, break tools, cause delays and misinformation… you get the drift. I learnt a thing or two on the best types of fuses to start a fire that would flare up only well after you’d left the premises, presumably humming ‘we didn’t start the fire’!
The most quoted part of this manual on the internet is the bit on page 28 – advice for managers and employees: Rely on committees, bring up irrelevant issues, quibble over words, misunderstand expectations, insist on perfection for unimportant tasks, but not on important ones, and so on. Resonates with every useless meeting and annoying boss anyone’s ever had, so it’s easy to see the appeal.
However, the real insights on how to simply sabotage life as we know it, are elsewhere in the manual.
1: destruction by a thousand cuts
This strategy is the diabolical version of “little drops of water make the might ocean”. One tiny thing causes a ripple. One tiny thing amplified by millions is a tsunami.
Simple uses cases to help you practice: Take an unverified piece of information and misleading video and casually forward it to your online tribe. Your single click barely does a thing. When your tribe, and your tribes’s tribe rapidly distributes it 14 million times, now we’re talking. You could destroy literally anyone or anything!
Throw someone a single condescending look or patronizing comment. That, anyone can survive. Make that a 1000 tiny cuts with unwavering regularity… there, you have successfully destroyed the other. Bonus – you can put on your most innocent face and say you can’t see what all the fuss is about – they are just being too sensitive.
2: Anything can be weaponized
Creativity, folks! It’s at the heart of everything! Weapons of destruction are right there – one only needs to look. Certain countries have made it a fine art of finding all sorts of weapons in other countries, just by adjusting the lighting in their own surroundings. But that’s another matter. We here, are focussed on how to be saboteurs par excellence with ingenious weapons fashioned out of everyday things!
Want to sabotage your health, posture and mood all at one go? Just find a common stilletto. Simple footwear, but a deadly weapon of sabotage. You can feel sexy and confident and simultaneously ruin your hips and legs! Doesn’t get better.
Then there’s your thumb. Yeah, that funny short digit on either hand. Have you considered its sheer desructive power when coupled with an infinite scroll on your phone? 5 hours of simply swiping your thumb across a screen feeding you any short form content – enough to mush entire brains!
3: Understand only what is convenient
Corrolory:
This one is easy, but can be tricky. If you know only one language, or are genuinely stupid, how does this work? You could still be sabotaging stuff, but in a weird unconscious way. The real use is when you know multiple languages and are smart as nails, and then CHOOSE to not understand. Take inspiration from the gouvernement du Québéc, masters of this technique. They even managed to make “I-understand-you-but-faut-qu’on-parle-only-Français-ici-sucker” into entire laws! There’s a stilletto-like double benefit with this strategy. You get to feel justified national pride while simultanously destroying people’s plans, aspirations, and self confidence. The CIA would’ve been proud.
Even if you are just a small somebody, not a government, there are still many opportunities to pretend you don’t understand and act stupid. You could practice every day with anyone who you don’t agree with, like strangers on the internet, or your spouse.
4: Blend in
You’re already doing it so well with your use of plastic and like materials. Let’s look at some other opportunities that present themselves. You’re out camping, the weather is dry. It takes just a match to start a wildfire to neatly clean out a few thousand acres of vegetation. A clean slate! It could have been your match. Or not yours, who’s to say. Make sure to practice the innocent whistle to go with it!
You also have glorious opportunities to bystand. Make every use of them. See someone being harassed on the street or online? Melt into the crowd and watch. Don’t interfere. Better still, comment and share anonymously (see 2).
You could also have a large spicy meal and fart in crowded public transport. Misery guaranteed, and not traceable to you at all.
5: Motivate others towards Sabotage
To take sabotaging to the next level, it is necessary to not only be a saboteur yourself, but build a committed community of saboteurs around you. Luckily, the manual has guidance for you on your path to mastery.
Enough said.
Abstract ideas are the enemy. Keep the message simple, concrete, actionable. Study stellar examples from recent times: “Lock her up”, “Make __ great again”, or “Just do it”. Create your own slogans and repeat them often enough to build a reliable army of fellow saboteurs. Citizen saboteurs of the world, unite! You have nothing to lose but your ____ (fill in with word of your choice).
You CAN do it. Believe in yourself. Practice everyday. Refer to the manual.
Simply sabotage life as you know it.
Manasvini 
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